Aging, identity & wisdom

10 May

Home made pasta at home lifted my spirit

There is a particular kind of unease that comes with leaving one version of yourself behind and stepping into another. Sometimes the next version isn’t even fully visible yet.

You are no longer who you were, but not quite sure who you are becoming. That in-between space can feel uncertain, unsettling, even lonely.

And yet, that is where growth lives.

Aging is one of those shifts. It asks us to release old definitions, old expectations, and old attachments to who we thought we were meant to be. It invites us to listen more closely, to soften into change, and to trust that identity is not fixed. It is living. It moves. It evolves.

Chasing Magic on My 50th

The build up to turning 50 was very intense. Initially, I pictured myself in Italy, twirling pasta under the sun, chasing that classic birthday magic. Instead, life unfolded differently - I found myself on a women’s retreat, far from vineyards and trattorias. There, I remembered how to dance to the beat of my own drum, reconnecting with a wild, joyful part of myself I’d left behind. It couldn’t have been further from my original vision, yet it felt profoundly right.

During the weekend, I had a moment sitting in my PJs, eating my husband’s home-cooked pasta, feeling like I’d won the lottery. In that simple, cozy scene, adventure and comfort wove together seamlessly. Two values we’re often told can’t coexist. Chasing magic isn’t always about grand escapes; sometimes it’s trusting the unexpected path that brings you home to yourself. That birthday wasn’t just a milestone - it was a moment of reflection, a threshold, a pause to honour where I’ve been and who I am now.

Lifestages and the wisdom of cycles

One of the most liberating things about aging is recognising that life is cyclical, not linear.

We are not meant to remain in one state forever.

We move through seasons. We move through lifestages. We grow, expand, contract, rest, begin again. There are times for outward expression and times for inward retreat. Times to build, times to nourish, times to lead, and times to let go.

When we forget this, we can become attached to a single version of ourselves. We cling to one identity, one role, one way of being, as if that is the only place we are allowed to live. But that is not how life works. And it is not how women are meant to live either.

Turning 50 brought with it a variety of different celebrations

There is wisdom in the cycle itself

Each stage brings its own gifts, its own challenges, its own invitation. Youth may bring energy, curiosity, and possibility. Midlife may bring clarity, discernment, and strength. Later life may bring depth, perspective, and a clearer sense of what truly matters. None of these stages is better than another. They are all part of the same unfolding.

Moving Through Feminine Archetypes

This is also where the feminine archetypes speak so powerfully to me.

We are not one thing. We are not meant to be stuck in just one mode of being. We move through archetypal energies across our lives and within our lives. Maiden, mother, lover, queen, wild woman, wise woman - these are not rigid boxes, but living expressions of our nature.

And yet, so often, women are encouraged to stay contained in one role for too long.

To be agreeable.
To be productive.
To be nurturing.
To be polished.
To be useful.
To be youthful.
To be endlessly available.

But there comes a point when those expectations begin to feel too small.

A deeper part of us knows that we are allowed to evolve. We are allowed to shift from one archetype into another, and to carry the lessons of each. We are allowed to be powerful and tender, visible and private, sensual and reflective, ambitious and intuitive. We are allowed to honour the full range of our becoming.

The gift is not in identifying with one archetype forever. The gift is in learning how to move through them consciously, without getting stuck.

Unplugging from the Stories

Along the way, we are told many stories about who we should be.

What to wear. How to behave. What is acceptable as we age. How visible we should be. How much space we should take up. Which parts of ourselves are welcome, and which should be hidden.

Most of those stories are not ours.

At some point, we have to unplug. We have to create space. We have to listen inward. That is where we begin to hear our own voice again. That is where confidence becomes rooted, not performed.

And rooted confidence is very different from the kind that tries to impress or conform. It is quieter. Stronger. It does not need constant proving. It does not disappear when the world changes its mind.

What Aging Can Offer

Aging is not a decline in value. It is not a retreat from life. It is an invitation into greater truth.

It can bring a sharper awareness of what matters and what does not. It can strip away the unnecessary. It can deepen our relationships, our boundaries, and our self-respect. It can remind us that honour and respect are not luxuries. They are non-negotiable.

It can also return us to ourselves.