Taboos & Thinking

Karen Heras-Kelly, M-Powerment Coach & Wise Women Lead Founder

I’ve worked with women for years around shame, leadership, voice, and visibility. And yet, only recently did I consciously make this connection:

There is a direct link between taboos and our negative thinking and the actions we don’t take because of it.

Naming the Taboo

A taboo isn’t just something “not talked about” - it’s a deep cultural no-go zone, usually handed down to us in childhood by parents, caregivers, teachers, or authority figures.

To truly learn and grow, we need to question boundaries and assumptions - something we’re often discouraged from doing, even as adults.

When a taboo is present in a system, it often remains invisible. But its presence is felt - through emotions like shame, guilt, anger, and fear.

We’re taught not to name these emotions. We’re taught to suppress them, and in doing so, we suppress ourselves.

So when someone dares to name a taboo, it’s a radical act. Because doing so means risking rejection, discomfort, or even punishment. But it also opens the door to real liberation.

Good Girl Conditioning

Girls are taught early on to look pretty, smile, and not make trouble:

“Close your legs.”

“Don’t yawn in public.”

“Be polite.”

“Don’t question adults.”

“Be a good girl.”

Translation? Don’t challenge authority. Don’t speak your truth. Don’t make me uncomfortable.

This is not just about manners - this is a system of emotional and behavioural control. It trains us to internalise the taboo of speaking up.

And it’s astonishing how this shows up in the workplace, in leadership, and in group dynamics. I’ve seen it in training rooms: men take the front-row seats. Women hesitate - until someone points it out. Then something shifts.

The Cost of Silence

When we unconsciously obey taboo rules, we stay small. We hold back. We don’t ask the question. We don’t take up space. We don’t name what we know.

This is why taboo isn’t just a social issue. It’s a leadership issue. It’s a liberation issue. If we are to lead, live fully, and speak our truth, we have to wake up to the invisible rules we’ve inherited.

The Wake-Up Call

Taking up space, expressing my needs, and asking bold questions are skills I’ve learned later in life.

Now that I’ve learned them, I’m never going back.

There’s no liberation without truth-telling - and sometimes that means opening Pandora’s box.

So I’m curious:

🔹 What taboos shaped your early years?

🔹 What “good girl” rules are you unlearning?

🔹 Where do you still hold back?

Let’s name the thing and set each other free.